do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
