Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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