I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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