i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
