just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
