Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You don't make any sense
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