Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
