How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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