Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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