Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
