Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
