I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
