is wine microwaveable?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
