You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
