She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
