Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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