If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
