I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
