I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
