ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
