i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
