I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
