Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
