Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
