Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
there is glitter all over my balls
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
