did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
