some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
