they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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