cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
