I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
me + whiskey = a bad person
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
