yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
