Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Alive.
So much puke
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
