Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
