So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
