dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
