i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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