my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
