actually, I'm a sock model
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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