i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
