somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
