How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
