HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
