C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
