you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
