Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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