i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
