you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
