New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
