listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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