we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
