So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
