i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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