You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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